Little Girl Come Out

As I thought of this title, I could hear in the far distance of my mind , the beautiful laughter of children. The sound so distinct and free. The innocence of running, playing with no reserve, such an invigorating feeling. We were once that child. Running and laughing, with our hair a mess, broken stockings and dirty hands we played. If we were ever able to script our life we could never take out, our childhood. It’s where it all begins. Just, what if all we can remember so vividly is our painful past. Pain has a sneaky way of producing and the enemy has every involvement. He studies our life our families. He uses those things to hinder us at a young age. If we look back at scripture, even Mary had to flee to protect her son Jesus from being killed. Moses was also placed in the Nile river to protect him from being killed. All a plot of the enemy to destroy them, at a young age. However, The plan of The Lord always prevails! Jesus is the source and He always has the back up plan. So no matter what we went through in the past God has a way of changing it around. So what happens to the woman who was gripped at that young age? As I think of what else to say, I feel the touch of my father urging me to continue to write. It’s time for the Little girl to come out! I give God all the Glory and Honor for what he’s done and continues to do, in my life. So here we go! As a little girl I had a dad that wasn’t present for the majority of my life. My mom was young and did the very best to make our lives joyous and comfortable. My fondest memories was having my mother playing games with us outside. Playing dress up and taking us to thrift stores. A thrift store filled with books and all these fun things. Who would have ever thought even with the fondest moments, there’s other moments, you wish could be erased. Just like an erasable marker, just simply wiping it away. Not possible. At the age of 3 or 4, I remember my first violation. I was in Puerto Rico and was molested by a family members husband. Being so small all I can remember is feeling scared and not understanding what was happening. Once I was in kindergarten I was being molested by my stepfather for many years up until the age of 9. My stepfather was an alcoholic and physically abusive toward everyone in the household. Fear took over my life. I watched as my mom would be abused physically and my brother. Although I was scared I also felt this was normal. I knew nothing else. I became so scared of the dark, and scared to sleep. Fear of the abuse that was constant in my life. The best times I can remember were my temporary escapes. Boy, God was there. Summers came and off to grandmas house I went. Although she was stern but we played all day. I didn’t care as long as I didn’t have to experience another evening being touched. But once the summer was gone, dread came over me. This happened for many years. So how can a child ever recover on their own, Only by the love of Christ. I grew up into this young woman with many hurts and anger. Who would have ever known, that God was taking my life in His hands. To make an amazing story. Although I surrendered my life to Christ, the little girl inside that was broken inside, had to come out. Once and for all I needed to be healed. I feel like my life had many layers and through every layer God did something new and still is. The love that I needed came in the width and depth of my Lord, Jesus Christ. So the pain and hurt couldn’t dwell in this heart anymore. We become so accustomed to the pain and hurt we know nothing else. We don’t know what true love is because it was distorted. It becomes a cycle that needed to be broken in order for me to be free. The Bible teaches us in Mathew 11:28, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”. I needed that encounter. I was tired of feeling the way that I did. So once I received that first encounter with The Lord, I wanted more. I was willing but it was never easy. Many times I shut the door because my past was to painful for me to even remember. I remember one incident in a Bible based 12 step program, we were told to write down what we went through, how it affected us and how do we feel now? Once we would write it we could throw it away. I stood looking at that paper and I remember anger and hurt started to rise in me. I looked around saw bold individuals writing a list but I couldn’t. I began to cry and I couldn’t write one thing. As the leader came to me she assured me nobody was going to read it but it was for me to let it out. I kept crying and pushed away the paper and I said “It’s bad enough to know I went through it but I don’t want to look at it on paper”. The reality of it on paper made it all the more real. See I was living a lie I wanted to alter my own life and I was dying inside. I needed Jesus to be my Healer, Deliverer and My Father. Thank you, Lord for rescuing my Soul. God Bless you all. I pray that you see in my eyes that when we turn to Christ, He will be your mender. I will continue to share my story and hope your blessed.


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