As women we at times carry the shame of our past, as a banner across our chest. We subconsciously think that if anyone knew our secrets, our struggles, our insecurities or pain, they would write us off. Our own minds become this stumbling block making us believe we are no good. I’ve learned that the devil wants you to feel worthless, he wants you to stay in a pit of misery. However, there is a time where we will have to meet Jesus at the well.
I remember as if it were yesterday, feeling so alone not able to blend in or fit in as a kid. I felt as if the world knew my secret. I saw others laughing and giggling, but were their homes the same as mine. All I knew, I felt different! In junior high school I became more outgoing but inside I was hiding a deep wound. I was angry inside, I trusted nobody. Feelings of abandonment and hatred were in the center of my heart and I kept Burying it, Burying it, until I was numb. I needed someone to press the SOS button, pull the plug in my life because I was on the verge of disaster. My God, I needed Jesus. Once I made it into High School , that was a different world. High school came with it’s high and lows. My father was now in my life periodically, not as I liked but it was something. So I was happy about that. The best birthday ever was when I hit 14. He surprised me on my birthday. God has a way of mending things. Little did I know that God was preparing me.
One day my mom received a call from my aunt and tells us that my father was ill. As a kid we think “well ok, he just has to see a doctor, he’ll be ok “. Not fully understanding, that his life will be a battle he lost, but gained in heaven. Once I fully understood that he may not live very long, I felt a huge fist in the pit of my stomach. I felt my world crashing. I felt as if I was cheated. I was angry, scared and hated the fact we became close, to now possibly losing him again. My father passed away when I was 17 or 18 yrs old. That was something that broke my heart in many ways. I was fatherless once again. All the while this is happening, as my life unfolds, who would have ever thought, I would meet Jesus at the well. The very moment of my life when I gave up. All my fears, all my hurt, all my anger was boiling up to the rim. It was spilling over with bad choices, suicidal thoughts until I threw myself on the ground. I had an empty vessel, I had no water but I was at the well.
The Samaritan woman In the book of John 4:4-26 is so important to study. It gives us understanding that without Jesus we will always be empty. Jesus meeting her there, knowing all that’s she’s been through and willing to stop for her, speaks volumes. It’s the same for you. He is waiting to meet you by the well. The funny thing is that Jesus asked her “Give Me a drink”. He had no container but she did and it was empty. He knew her life was empty. He knew her secrets, He knew her struggles and stopped just for her.
I was that woman. I tried to fill my own container, my life, my heart with things that I thought would help me. I kept trying to fix what I couldn’t fix with temporary things. I buried my pain but it was coming up in all I did. I was drinking, I was violent and angry. I just didn’t see it. It wasn’t until I truly wanted different. One day I was so overwhelmed crying on the floor and said “If your real, then help me, I can’t take this”. I can’t say a light shined through my room but I remember that I felt comforted. I believe that was a starting point. Jesus was at the well waiting for me and I wanted that living water. God has transformed my life and I’m forever grateful. I was once fatherless and now I gained a Father, a healer and mender of my broken heart. He’s wonderful!!
Ladies, don’t carry your past as a banner. Let God into you’re heart and fully accept him as your Lord and Savior. Meet Him at the well!
God bless you all.♥️
Beauty For Ashes 